I think that molestation happens far more often than we think or know about, and that is because we keep it hidden. We keep it a secret. I did the same thing for far too long. When I was a kid, we spent a few years living with my great aunt while my parents were serving in the military. Most of my cousins came and spent the summers there as well. One particular summer, one of my older cousins came and wrapped his arms around me and started rubbing himself up against me. I am not sure where anyone else was at the time, but it happened more than once. It made me feel uncomfortable, but he was my older cousin, so I wasn’t sure what else to do. I was around 8 or 9 at the time. He told me not to tell anyone and to keep it as our little secret. I didn’t like him touching me or the way it made me feel.

One day at school, my teacher called me into the counselor’s office and they asked me if anyone had touched me. I was nervous. My parents weren’t there, and I was in a room with several adults - my teacher, counselor, principal. It was pretty scary. They said to be sure to let them know if anyone did touch me inappropriately and they would be sure to help. I never said a word, and kept it a secret the entire three years that we lived there.

From there, I moved away, and didn’t see him again until I was a teenager. I didn’t want to see him, but we all landed at my uncle’s house in Atlanta. About 20 cousins were there and it was exciting to see everyone and get to hang out. We had been living in Germany for three years, so I missed my family. My uncle had a basement, and it was customary for all of the cousins to sleep in the same room together. Usually girls were in one room, and boys were in another. But this time, everyone was asleep on the floor in a big pile of pillows and blankets in the middle of the family area of the basement.

I wasn’t laying next to him when we laid down, so I thought that I was safe. But he somehow switched places with a couple of other cousins and ended up right next to me. He put his hands up my shirt and started to feel on my breasts. He then, lifted my shirt and began to kiss and squeeze on them, and touch me in other inappropriate ways. I didn’t sleep much that night, and by the next morning when everyone was getting dressed to go to underground Atlanta, I couldn’t eat. I wanted to throw up. As we were heading to get on the metro at the train station, one of my other cousins’ asked me what was wrong. I can’t remember if I told her or not, but I must have, because she told me to say something. I didn’t. I kept it a secret again. He went off enjoying the day, but I was miserable and feeling tainted.

As an adult, I saw him again when I went to my cousins’ house (his mom). His kids were there and I was there with my husband and kids. I remember that same sinking feeling returning to me and I couldn’t talk to him. I was just ready to leave. It wasn’t until maybe 2021 or 2022 that I finally said something to my mom about it, but I had carried it for 30+ years from that very first time he touched me.

Hear me, it doesn’t matter if someone is your teacher, your friend, your family member, your parent, your group leader, your coach, or even someone that you are dating. Any unwanted or inappropriate touching is wrong, and you don’t have to accept it. No matter how many threats they give you, keeping it silent makes it worse and eats away at you. It also allows them to hold the power. The journey to overcome it is not easy, but you don’t have to walk it alone. I recorded a podcast on breaking the silence of abuse, and I have it below for you to listen to at your leisure with a woman who chose to break the silence.

I think as more of us break the silence, and expose the horrible things that happen behind closed doors, we can build each other up, and remind ourselves that we are not to blame. And that nothing you did caused you to deserve it. You are a child of God and He loves you. People make choices and we can’t control the choices they make. God doesn’t control their choices either. He gives us all our own will. I promise that He is with you, though, and He longs to wrap His arms around you and protect you.

I would love to help you use your voice. You do have a voice and a say in it. This is your life. You don’t have to accept that treatment any longer. I’m sorry that you had to go through and experience that. And I promise that you are not alone. Again, prayer, counseling and journaling, has helped me to overcome many of the things that I have gone through. Being able to talk about it and release it also helps, so that it doesn’t continue to grow and fester inside. I have learned how to use the hurt and pain to fuel my purpose and help other women become all that God created them to be.

I can help you, too.

Email me: support@thejourneyofyou.net

Text or Call: (678) 310 - 4357

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